Coming Out: Writing About Sex
| By Miranda Neville | 02.15.09 |
Yes, I am a debutante, in the sense that my first book appears later this month. But there’s the more common sense of the phrase: admitting to your friends and family who you are. Not that it came as news to most of them that I’ve written a novel. I didn’t exactly keep quiet about it when I got “the call.” More like mass emails and telephone calls to everyone I know within about five minutes. If I knew how, I’d have rented one of those planes with a banner streaming behind it just in case anyone missed the news. And I don’t have one of those jobs where it might be embarrassing (not that it appears to have hurt Eloisa James’ career in either romance or academe).
But there is that little question of SEX. I read on a writers’ loop recently of a woman whose family had rejected her for writing what my daughter charmingly refers to as Mom’s Smutty Books. My family are totally supportive but I was the teensiest bit trepidacious about my father who is in his 80s and a very proper man, a good Catholic at that. Long ago he read the first three chapters of NEVER RESIST TEMPTATION and commented that “it’s a bit racy, isn’t it?” Oh Papa (yes, we call him that), you ain’t seen nothing yet.
So when he was visiting me from England this summer and offered to read my page proofs, I was nervous. As he read further my sister and I whispered to each other. Should we warn him what was coming?
In the event we needn’t have worried. He enjoyed the book (his daughter wrote it but he was, of course, judging it completely without bias) and we engaged in a discussion of coitus interruptus as a method of birth control. (Catholics are always very interested in contraception, I find, since they aren’t supposed to use it, My mother had a friend who swore she got pregnant during her period.) When I expressed surprise at his relaxed attitude he said “after all, I have been around a long time.”
I’m not worried about my siblings and their children who have all loyally waited to read the book until they can buy their own copies. I do feel constrained to warn friends and acquaintances who tell me they are going to read it that the book is “somewhat R-Rated.”
Many of them reply “Oh good, I love an R-Rated book.
February 16th, 2009 at 2:47 am
Very cute post, Miranda! And this book is sounding better by the minute – I do love a racy read!
February 16th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Miranda, I think we all deal with this. I remember my mom, who doesn’t normally read romance, being hesitant about how her friends would take my first book. And much as she enjoyed my book and was proud of me, she was still shocked when all her friends loved my book and were very vocal saying that they enjoyed the racy parts. She’s learned a lot about romance since then!
Gayle/Julia
February 16th, 2009 at 8:42 am
I sure can relate, Miranda! I think I’m finally getting over it now – after 15 books!
February 16th, 2009 at 8:44 am
As a fellow debutante (A Talent for SIn will be out in June) I am going through this same thing. My father is an Episcopal minister, but he finds the whole thing a hoot. My issue is that my 12 year old daughter has been bragging to her teachers and they all (a great total of 4) want books. I don’t mind giving them the books (maybe I’ll convert a few more readers), but I do wonder how to handle the sex thing. Do I put a post-it with a warning on the cover? I can’t imagine just giving them the book with no warning — it starts with a pretty hot sex scene.
I am sure I’ll figure it out, but it makes me realize that I do have an inner prude who isn’t sure she wants to be judged by what happens on page 5.
February 16th, 2009 at 9:40 am
I’ve had this same problem, Miranda, not such much about the sex, but mostly a concern about how the people at my church would view my writing paranormal romance about ghosts and demons! LOL (The sex part I got over when my elderly MIL insisted on reading my first book a few years ago – I figured if I could survive that, I could survive anything!)
Anyway, I’ve found it very surprising how many people I thought would be judgemental weren’t, after all. Maybe the lesson here is to write without worrying about others will say – if a story wants to be told, we should tell it!
February 16th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Glad to know I’m not alone – and Terri, your last comment is right on. Something I find interesting is that a lot of people who have never read a romance, would be embarrassed to be seen reading romance, are actually dying for an excuse to read a romance. As I say to my non-romance reading friends when they ask me why: you get an enjoyable, well-written, fun, sexy story with a happy ending. What’s not to like?
February 16th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
My mother used to be a little hesitant to talk about my books to her friends until the day her golf buddy called to say she needed to come over right away to get another book since she’d just dropped her copy while reading “a racy part” in the bathtub! That broke the ice, and now all her friends clamor to know when the next book comes out. And I decided to confront the issue regarding my children’s Catholic schools. I give copies of my books to the principals and teachers on release days and offer a percentage of sales to the school. Now they know my release schedule better than I do ;}
February 17th, 2009 at 7:46 am
Great topic, Miranda! I’m so impressed your dad read your book! My father, while very proud, still hasn’t managed to do that.
I’ve recently learned my “profession” is up for discussion at my daughter’s elementary school. The wide-eyed comments mostly consist of: “I’ve never met someone who does THAT for a living.” Goodness, it’s like I’m a stripper!
But it is funny the amount of blue-haired ladies, all friends of my mother, who read my books. They do love the racy stuff!
Miranda, I can’t wait to read your book – the premise sounds so unique!
Hugs,
Sophie